Parenting is daunting.
The top U.S. doctor, whose kids just returned to school, acknowledged as much Wednesday as he highlighted the “silent struggles” parents face as they try to care for their children in 2024.
As parents spend more time caring for their children, they are paradoxically working more, contributing to stark rises in stress and feelings of isolation, Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. surgeon general, said in an advisory Wednesday. He had warned about young people’s mental health in 2021, in addition to advisories about the dangers of social media, isolation and gun violence.
Now he has turned to caretakers, noting how much of a struggle it is to raise children. Parents and caregivers also need support, he says.
“This is one of those silent struggles that many parents are contending with,” Murthy, a father of a 7-year-old and a 6-year-old, told USA TODAY. “My hope is that we can shine a light on something that’s affecting millions of people across the country.”
Over the past decade, parents have been more likely to experience higher stress levels. Nearly half of parents reported their stress was overwhelming most days, compared with just a quarter of people without children, a 2023 American Psychological Association survey found. More than 3 in 5 parents surveyed said no one understood how stressed they were.
The actual stress factors are wide and varied for the 63 million parents with children 18 and under in the U.S. Some stressors have long concerned parents, including worries about safety, the rising cost of living, and sleep deprivation, Murthy said. Others reflect a new era of parenting. For example, gun violence is the leading cause of death for children. Parents also must wrangle with social media and monitor children’s concerns about loneliness and overall mental health amid high levels of depression and anxiety among young people.
Parents also work longer hours than earlier generations. Mothers spent an average 20.9 hours a week working in 1985, compared with 26.7 hours in 2022, according to the advisory. In that same period, fathers went from 39.8 to 41.2 hours a week.
That doesn’t mean they’re spending less time with their children. In fact, Murthy said, parents are spending more time caring for their children than earlier generations. Part of that can be attributed to the rising cost of child care. Additional hours at work and caring for children take away from rest, recovery and time with friends, and they contribute to feelings of isolation and loneliness, Murthy said. In a 2021 study, nearly two-thirds of parents – and more than three-quarters of single parents – reported feeling lonely, compared with just over half of people without kids.
Parents’ mental health struggles can affect children, Murthy’s advisory warned. Untreated mental health conditions or substance use in households can create adverse experiences for children that can harm mental, physical or behavioral health. Depression, anxiety and struggles in school or with other people can have lasting effects.
The advisory called for policy reform and fostering a culture that supports parents, including same-sex and nonbinary parents, blended families, foster parents and single parents. Murthy called for policymakers to bolster child care assistance through income tax credits, subsidies for care and early childhood education programs. Additionally, he pushed for national paid family leave, paid sick time and programs to reduce the poverty rate.
He urged employers to establish policies and training to support parents and caregivers in the workplace and to expand access to high-quality mental health care. He also asked families and friends to help shoulder the burden by reaching out and offering support to parents and caregivers. That can be as simple as running errands or checking in on a friend.
Parents have to prioritize care for themselves, Murthy said. Often, parents think only about protecting their kids, but parents’ well-being “really does matter, too.”
“The time caring for themselves is not selfish,” he said. Ultimately, he said, it allows parents to “best care for their own kids.”
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