We wrote in December looking back and looking forward at what has happened in the substance use and mental health fields over the past year. As we are early in the year, we think we should refocus on what you, as parents and guardians, can and should do if you’re faced with the news that the youth in your lives are facing their own personal issues with substance use and mental health.
If you suspect your child is using drugs or alcohol, it’s crucial to approach the situation with care and thoughtfulness. Here are some step-by-step ideas on how you may wish to address the issue effectively:
As jarring as the news might be, you must stay calm and start by gathering information. You definitely need to avoid jumping to conclusions or reacting out of fear or anger. Try looking for signs such as changes in behavior, appearance, grades, friends, or mood. And make sure you start educating yourself about the substances you suspect your child might be using.
Try to create a safe space for conversation. Choose a time and place where you can talk calmly and privately and make sure you express your concerns in a non-judgmental way. For example, you might want to say something like, “I’ve noticed some changes lately, and I’m worried about you. Can we talk about what’s going on?”
Remember two very important words – listen and be supportive. Let your child talk without interrupting or criticizing. Rember to show empathy and understanding. And most of all, avoid accusations or lectures. Try to encourage honesty by being approachable rather than confrontational.
You should also set clear expectations and boundaries. You can start by talking about your family’s values and rules about drug and alcohol use. And make sure you discuss the potential consequences of substance use, both within the family and legally.
You may need to consider seeking professional help if you think it might be needed. If you feel that the situation seems serious or you’re unsure how to proceed, reach out to professionals. Your options are to seek out your child’s school counselor or find a local therapist. You can also consider reaching out to your family’s pediatrician or family doctor. And there are many community or online resources focused on substance abuse prevention and treatment (some suggested resources are listed at the end of this column).
Above all, make sure you monitor and stay involved. You must stay engaged in your child’s life by being involved in their activities, knowing their friends, and maintaining open communication. And keep an eye on their behavior and environment while respecting their need for some independence.
Remember to lead by example by modeling healthy behaviors around alcohol and drug use and sharing your own values and experiences responsibly. Try and provide age-appropriate educational materials about the risks and effects of drugs and alcohol. And finally, encourage healthy coping strategies, hobbies, and activities that build self-esteem and resilience.
Remember, your goal is to support your child in making safe and healthy choices, not to punish or alienate them. Showing love, patience, and understanding can strengthen your relationship and help them navigate this challenging time.
Now, if you suspect your child is experiencing mental health challenges, it’s important to approach the situation with care, empathy, and a proactive mindset.
Start by recognizing the signs. Be sure to pay attention to potential indicators of mental health issues, such as persistent changes in mood (sadness, irritability, anxiety). Or obvious withdrawal from family, friends, or activities they once enjoyed. Pay attention to changes in sleep or eating patterns, or declining performance in school or other responsibilities. If you noticed or are aware of physical complaints like headaches or stomachaches with no medical cause; and finally, expressions of hopelessness, excessive worry, or thoughts of self-harm.
Just like with potential issues to substance use, you need to create a safe environment for discussion. Make sure you find a private and calm setting to talk. Use language that shows care and concern. And always let them express themselves without interruption or judgment. Let your child know they’re not alone and that their feelings are valid. And emphasize that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Consider seeking professional help. But, if you suspect immediate danger (self-harm or suicidal thoughts), seek emergency assistance or call a crisis hotline, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988 in the U.S.).
Make sure you stay engaged and supportive. Maintain regular check-ins: Create opportunities for open dialogue about their feelings and experiences. Show unconditional love and support: Let them know you’re there for them, no matter what. And always strive to reduce stress by minimizing pressure and create a structured, calming home environment.
You should encourage Healthy Habits by promoting regular physical activity, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep. Encourage relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or journaling. Or even offer to help find hobbies or activities they enjoy building confidence and reduce stress.
Always, understand that addressing mental health issues takes time and may involve setbacks. S celebrate small victories and progress, no matter how minor they may seem.
Remember that supporting your child can be emotionally draining. Consider seeking support for yourself, such as a therapist, parent support groups, or trusted friends.
Conti8nually advocate for your child by communicating with teachers, school staff, or other caregivers to ensure they’re aware of your child’s needs.
By fostering a supportive and understanding environment, you can help your child feel safe, valued, and encouraged to address their mental health challenges. Be persistent in seeking appropriate care and accommodation.
Here are some suggested resources:
- New Jersey’s 24/7 Addiction Helpline: 1-844-732-2465.
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders: 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
- National Association for Children of Addiction (NACoA) whose mission is to eliminate the adverse impact of alcohol and drug use on children and families: https://nacoa.org/.
- The Family Helpline (Parents Anonymous of NJ) provides a 24 Hour Helpline for Parents: 1-800-THE-KIDS (843-5437).
- The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline you can text, chat or call 988 and talk to someone 24/7. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free and confidential.
- New Jersey Mental Health Cares : 866-202-HELP or njmentalhealthcares.org.
Ezra Helfand is CEO/Executive Director of the Wellspring Center for Prevention. You can reach him at [email protected].
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